University of Massachusetts-Amherst Top Questions

Everyone always thinks that UMass Amherst is the "big party school" or the "zoo" as it is often called. This gives it's students the bad rep of being party animals, drunks, and overall crazy. With recent riots these stereotypes have only grown. But UMass is much more than just the superficial gossip. If you get below the stereotypes UMass is a great school with a dedicated staff, lots of different majors and studies, and students who actually want to learn. Coming to UMass I was nervous and skeptical thinking I was attending just one big party, but once I got there I quickly learned that college is indeed what you make of it.

That UMass Amherst is a safety school and there aren't any smart students here. Also, that it's just a party school and no one here cares about academics.

Hm.. Let's see. With the student body hovering around 25 thousand, you can pretty much spit out any stereotype to any random student and they'd be able to give you a little schpeeal about that particular crowd. First you got your athletes... You can tell who they are by the #86 embrioded on their sweatpants and their team nicknames tattooed onto their fiveheads. Proceed with caution, these pre professional sports playing super jocks might not give you the time of day, I mean, unless you happen to be crossing the street the same time as they are, in which case they will leave you trailing in their dust as they beat everyone to the other side. Not everyone can be privileged enough to be accoutered with such customized apparel. You know, now that I think about it I don't think they even own regs clothes. No seriously though, all joking aside... can u guys make sure the Men's Lacrosse Team doesn't hear about this. I don't want any trouble. You've got your Asians. All applications submitted to UMass for purposes of matriculation are rounded up by the Admissions Office, and far before ever even enrolling into class, any names hinted with any sort of Asian intonation are placed into a special residence area folder file cabinet. Atop the file cabinet an inscription reads, "Northeast, The Pride and Joy of UMass. The Future is now." I've been inside the admissions office before this is how I know. Others filed into this folder include cough ahem gays, lesbians, and homos. You will get your occasional Asian-American living in other parts of the campus, you know, people who have extremely Asian last names that you cannot even begin to pronounce, then they'll have a first name like oh I don't know... Daniel. This type of Asian will generally find his or her way out of Northeast as they become more and more uncomfortable living in such an isolated environment. Now, don't forget. There are sub stereotypes within stereotypes. I would like to go further into detail, but will restrain myself because I have shit to do. I'm seriously not a racist, I swear. Feel free to edit any of this out as it is completely absurd, although entirely and absolutely accurate. Ok, eh fuck it im tired... I'll be brief. Eggheads: they love to study and live in Orchard Hill. Scenesters, Hipsters, Hippies, Musicians: Live in central. Black kids, Mexicans, Whores: Southwest Sylvan is where no one wants to venture off to. A place where late comers, the unlucky, and social outcasts congregate. kind of like... uh rhode island. The Southwest area a.k.a. "Meathead Nation" can be a dangerous place. Girls: Recruited from Mars. pretty sure thats why their skin is orange.. Fights: Everywhere. Drunks: Everywhere. Bro's: EVRYWHERE. It's like a nightmare. Riots: Occasionally, none of them are any good anymore. No heart, no cause. Everyone just wants their shot at rioting. Oh man. The "Southwest Girl." Ready? Best stereotype at UMass. They actually hand each female southwest freshman a checklist on how to better assimilate oneself into college the college lifestyle. -Ugg Boots, worn during any season doesn't matter if its 80 and raining. -BIG sunglasses, doesnt matter if it's cloudy and 1 in the morning. -Don't own a North Face Jacket? Buy one asap or you will make no friends. -Leggings. Preferably black. Brown will do, as long as it's worn with a matching brown north face. -Go tanning everyday in the winter. -Sun bathe in a tiny bikini as soon as spring comes, don't forget to act shocked, appalled, and disgusted as every straight guy's eyes are glued on your tits right as they walk into that stop sign. -On halloween southwest is turned into Slutville, USA. This means a choice of two costumes. 1) Naughty Nurse. 2) Naughty Cop. 3) Ugly.

Violent, angry, overzealous partiers, rioting.